Well, today had started out great. Hana and I were equally balanced and sharing our body, acting in tandem and feeling great. It's something that we both rather liked, even though it feels a little strange to us.
Now, Hana's retreated somewhere inside and is shuddering in revulsion, and if she could puke her guts out in irritation she would.
What happened? It starts with an A and ends with an M. We were minding our own business, in the midst of laundry stuff and on our way back through the living room, on our way to the bedroom. There were some plates on the floor I was going to pick up (no idead why they were there) and I was going to get some of the dirty laundry from my room (a mixture of everyone's).
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw an anime looking thing that looked like naked people. Surprised, I turn my head to fully look, and there's Adam having sex in IMVU. I find out later from him that he'd just met the chick.
Gah, you don't have sex with someone you don't share a spiritual and loving connection with. That's the way I was raised, apparently not him. Once again I am slapped in the face with WHY the marriage is over.
Hana bawled him out of the house. Yes, it's "his" house. His name on it as a single man as he'd bought it before we got married, just in case we did get divorced, as that's how his family wanted it. so, when I get fed up I have had to be the one to leave. We were done and she kicked him out.
I fully agree. He's on the couch again though with Merlin. I don't want anything to do with him. That shared custody thing we'd been talking about?
Kiss it goodbye Adam, if you have the balls to read this. You're lucky I'm not one of those vindictive women, because they would already legally have your balls on a keychain. However, Hana is disgusted by this image, and would probably burn them in a fire and do nasty things with the ashes.
Have some respect, you cyber, do it in text and hide the window when others walk by. Lucky the kids were in school and didn't see. Pervert, some chick you don't know. I've said it to you before, sex is a spiritual thing.
He was using Athena's wireless antannae no less! His seven year old daughter's wireless antenna from her computer that she uses to go online and play on sites like PBS Kids and Cartoon Network! Trav took care of cleansing the antenna for me.
Faith apparently heard me scream 20 minutes before she came down. She arrived at the door a little bit before Hana screamed Adam out of the house. I'm ashamed to say I cried on her shoulder. Cried! Me!
"I'm sorry honey, but you need to find someone who views it as spiritually as you do."
I know someone with whom I have such a strong connection, but he's so far away... I pray with all my being that he is able to come, because men who understand are so rare... I can count on my hand the men I know... B. (not available and wrong orientation), Trav (not available and would be like being with my brother anyway... ewwwwwwwww), J.W. (Faith's mate and not my type), my brother (I repeat: ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww), and... the dear one that I wait for, just even to give him such a simple thing as a hug.
I feel so gross, I've done the equivalent of walking into my livingroom to find him physically there with some slut. Not even the decency to hide the window knowing that I was moving around and to wait until my back was turned and I was out of the room. I don't care that he was doing that (whole marriage being over thing) at least not in the way that I would if we were still trying to make a marriage work (I think I was the one doing all the trying) but that I was able to see! Not in text... I wouldn't have noticed if he'd been boinking on yahoo...
To think I used to spread my legs for this man and allow his seed in me... *shudders in revulsion*
I want to cry to Vadise, or to Salaiek, Bear, or Blu... If I called mom, dad would be here in a flash and the kids and I would be over at my parent's early... I don't want to mess up the kid's schooling because of Adam... it's not fair to them.
And more aggravating, Merlin's playing with toys right now and Adam's not interacting with him at all unless I do... Adam just sits there playing his pokemon game (I took the antenna, so he can't do anything "fun" on his comp). He's dumped the kids on Bonnie before when I've been gone, just to go help one of his buddies with things that could honestly wait... Just... the whole depths of this floors me.
Merlin's last day of school is June 20... I pray to all the gods there are that I can last that long. I'm going to have to ask mom later today if I can send Athena over before Merlin and I come since she gets out earlier. I also pray we're able to get a different place to live for the school year since Merlin really does need his program, otherwise I'll have to live here again...
How do single moms and other divorcing moms do this??? I start to get healthy, then I get waylaid by something again. And Adam's not even worth my energy... If the kids were older, there would be so much less to worry about... and I'm too stubborn to roll over and die because damn it, I've got two kids to live for and dreams for my future that I want to live to see happen.
*sighs* At least Merlin seems to be unaffected... now he's got an empty supersoaker and is playing at Ghost Busters... to Goruden's amusement.
And Goruden cussed at me today during my explosions... told me to get both sets of prayer beads and "sit your ass down in your chair. Breathe onna! Kuso!"
Also found out the other day when Faith had been really sick and JW had called to borrow some fever reducers that Goruden had had to bully Faith back down the steps and into her body. At least I know I'm NOT crazy, because Goruden, Faith,Trav and I had a conversation in the living room and they heard him (Ayunishi opted for being small and hanging around my neck and snuggling).